Rain, rain go away

There is a time and place for rain and apparently it's all the time!

 I love how green everything is while it's raining and right after. It's a deep green that fades quickly with lots of sunlight. It's beautiful!

 Rain is needed to help things grow and all that jazz, but seriously! Enough already! We have had rain every day for a week and it's in the forecast for the next week. Our gardens are waters, the trees are watered. Everything is watered and our backyard is turning into a pond! The poor farmers need to start working the fields and they need to cut hay soon, but they can't because it's raining. 

I know I shouldn't complain and that I should be grateful. I am thankful for the rain. But, I am also thankful for sunlight! I wish we had more of it! :) I need sunlight. It makes me happy and helps me feel normal! :)Tomorrow it's supposed to be sunny and warm. Too bad it's only for one day, though- not enough for people to get things done. But the sunshine will be greatly appreciated!!

I need to move to a sunnier place....

Greatest Thing Ever!

Greatest thing ever? Falling in love with my husband all over again! Granted, you might not agree (I hope you don't! ;o)  ), but I think it's pretty freakin' awesome! I don't know where it came from. I don't know if it's that my exhaustion level is going down or if it's a blessing of my milk supply going away. Maybe it's all hormone-based. Who knows! BUT I don't really care where it came from or why. I LOVE Bryan!

I think he's amazing! My heart races when I think of him. He's the highlight of my day! I dyed my hair to surprise and bless him, (even though my new hair color isn't popular among others), and I was so excited for him to see it! I'm very proud of him! He works hard all the time to provide for our family. He strives to grow in Christ and to love me the way God says he should.

Bryan is also an amazing father! Titus literally gets upset every time Bryan leaves the room. I love watching Bryan with Titus and seeing how they bond and have fun.

I love him. End of story.

Pride

I've been really struggling with pride over the last year or so. My area of pride? Motherhood! I have been prideful of my attempt at natural delivery and how people thought I was some hero for what I went through that day, especially since I ended up with  C-section. I was prideful that my 5 week old baby was sleeping through the night. I was prideful that my son had figured out how to scoot around on his back at a freakishly young age. I was and am prideful of so many things!!!! 

The most recent convicted area of my pride has been nursing Titus. I don't know why but I took such pride in what my body was doing for my son and for how *easy* it was. Every time there was a problem my first reaction has always been fear. Why? Because my precious pride has been on the line. God has been very gracious to me and has been working on exposing this sin in my heart over the last couple months. It has hit it's climax over the last couple of days. My milk supply seems to be almost gone. :( I went from nursing Ti about 5 times a day and at night if he needed it to probably 3 times today if I can even do that. I'm sad I couldn't make it to a year and the thought of this season of motherhood being over makes me want to cuddle Ti and nurse him for hours! I feel like it's being ripped away from me. I'm not really ready and Titus is ready either. When he cries and roots around and I have nothing it kills me. Yesterday I let him nurse as much as he wanted hoping it would help bring back my supply but all it did was make me sore and make him cranky.

Thankfully, my God is gracious and kind. He will give me the strength I need to get through this season. He will give me wisdom to know how to help Ti through this season as well. I'm grateful God has exposed my sin and is working on my heart to make me more like Himself. I'm still sad that Titus will be weaned before I had originally planned but I know that God is still sovereign. He is not far removed from my problem, even if at times it feels like it. He's right here, with me, holding my hand. His kindness and grace will get us through this and I can rest in that. 

4 Generations

My Grandpa, Dad, Ethan (brother), and Jack (my nephew).

My Grandma, Dad, me, and Titus.

Blue-eyed Wonder

I can't resist those eyes! They get me all the time :o)

Wordless Wednesday: Ti and his wagon

MIL's garden

This is the garden that Bryan and I redid for Mother's Day. Sadly I didn't remember to take "before" pictures.

My New Hobby

I have discovered I love gardening!!! :o) Bryan and I reworked his mother's garden for mother's day and I fell in love. I love getting my hands dirty while I weed and plant new flowers. I love the bright colors of flowers. I love the reminder new plants bring of new life in Christ. I'm going to focus on flowers this year and hopefully will branch out next year.

This post is ridiculously short, but I just needed to share that gardening is awesome! I will post pictures of the garden and of my "flower buckets" sometime this week- hopefully!