Confused...

I was just looking through my posts from today and saw the times it says I posted are *way* off! Like 3 hours behind off. Thoughts anyone?

Recovery Day

Mondays are always recovery days. Sundays usually have a wackier schedule/routine than the other days of the week. This weekend, however, was a LOT crazier than most. Thursday was Daddy's birthday. Friday was Christmas Eve and we went to the Christmas Eve service at church. Saturday was Christmas :) and we were at three different houses and a wedding rehearsal. Sunday was wedding day! (Sunday was probably the most normal of all day because Ti went and hung with my mom all day.)

Recovery days usually look a bit like this...

nap #1

nap #2

nap #3 

Blocks

I was so excited to buy Titus blocks for Christmas. Good blocks too. Ya know, the wooden ones that we had as kids. That was number one on my list for Titus' Christmas presents.

Here's how the blocks are doing...

The blocks are currently new things to chew on. I look forward to the day when I can build a tower and Ti will get a kick out of knocking it down! :o)

Wedding time!

The day after Christmas is the *perfect* day for a wedding right? Usually I would say, "Heck no!" however, this wedding was gorgeous and I love the people that got married so to me the day was perfect!

Titus' First Christmas

"Morning Mommy, why did you wake me up?"

Stocking fun

Lots of goodies.

I love how he used his feet to help him open his presents.

Titus thought this toy was the coolest thing ever :)

"Um, I'm getting tired of this."

So tired...

"Nap time- either put me in my bed or I will sleep here on the floor!"

A Reminder

God reminded me of His awesome loving grace and mercy this morning. I have been forgetting how desperately I need those two things in my life on a daily basis. I even was forgetting how much my Heavenly Father has forgiven me and then held back forgiveness from someone else! I'm so thankful that God does not follow my sinful emotions or thoughts. I'm so grateful that I have Gods unending forgiveness for all my sin. I'm grateful He made a Way for me to hve fellowship with Him and that He withheld the punishment I deserved from me but poured it out on His Son.

These are awesome things to be reminded of...every. single. day.

Cuddles

Cuddles are one of my favorite things!
 Titus loves that he can move around now so true cuddle time is left to nursing.
However on a day like today I have gotten plenty of cuddles and it's only 10 am!!!

I love being a mommy!!

5 Months

Man how they fly!!!

The Joys of Winter

Oh the joys of winter!

It's absolutely freezing outside and everything is covered in snow.

There are a ton of special weather statements going on and on about the snow we are *supposed* to get. However, very rarely are these statements/warnings right. We live near Lake Ontario so we hear lots of warnings about "lake effect snow." Usually those snow bands miss us...usually...but not today.

 I'm not complaining...I'm really not! I'm snug at home on the couch all nice and warm. My husband, though, is at work and won't be leaving said place until midnight or a little after. I'm usually in bed at this time, but because the hubs is going to be driving in this delightful snowy mess late at night, with freezing temperatures I am staying up until I see his wonderful face. I can't wait for him to get home! I know God is in control and can bring Bryan home safely. I know this and I believe it. I'm struggling with my need for control...and in this situation my need for control of the car. (Because for some reason in my brain me driving in horrible conditions is the *only* way Bryan will get home safe.) How arrogant am I?? I'm so thankful that I am forgiven and covered by God's grace!

Isaiah 1:18
“Come now, let us settle the matter,” says the LORD. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.

Tooth!!!

Titus has a tooth! I can't believe we are to *that* point already! Part of me feels like Ti has been around forever and therefore teeth make sense, but then I look at the calendar and remember that it really hasn't been that long. He's growing and changing so fast! I'm very thankful that this whole tooth-thing hasn't caused too many problems. He was really fussy (by fussy I mean wanting to nurse every 2 hours and super cuddly) this past Friday. Now I know why! I'm not exactly sure when that tooth popped through, but it was between Friday and Sunday night (when I discovered it with my poor, innocent finger). Ti seems to be rather proud of his lonely little tooth! Anytime we talk about it he gets all smiley as if to show it off! :o)

I wish I could get a picture of the tooth, however I'm not that talented and I'm positive Titus would not sit still long enough. So here's a different picture...

This face kills me! I love it!!!

Dedication Day

   Today was Titus' dedication at church. It was a day at church where in front of our forever family we thanked God for giving us Titus, committed to raising him to love and follow God and then our forever family committed to helping us with this task. It was a special day! There were six other families that made the same commitments with us today. It was such a blessing to see God working in the young families of our church.
    I dressed Ti up in little khakis and a sweater vest and boat shoes- so cute! I panicked about what to wear up on stage...in front of a couple hundred people. I also panicked about what I should say when I was given the microphone. Then I realized that I was putting myself in a much more important position than I needed to be! This day was about committing to raising our son the way God commands and committing to relying on His help, not about what Ti looks like, what I'm wearing or what I'm saying!

Thank you God for once again pointing out my pride, for humbling me and bringing me back to what is important- honoring you with everything I say, think, or do. Thank you for Titus and the blessing he is! Please teach us to be the parents Titus needs and continue to grow and stretch our faith in You. We can't do this on our own and I'm so grateful for that! Thank you for the promise that you will never leave us and that with You we can do anything You have called us to! 

Choosing to be active

Deuteronomy 6:5-7
You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. you shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.


Deuteronomy 10:12
And now, Israel, what does the Lord your God require of you, but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to keep the commandments and statutes of the Lord, which I am commanding you today for your good?

I'm reading/studying my way through the Old Testament and these are two passages that challenge my heart daily. I'm working on memorizing them and applying them to my daily life. I usually read God's Word and write down what stands out to me or what truth I need to apply to my life, or an area that God has shown me to work on and then I forget to do anything about it. Then the next time I read those same passages God will once again reveal truth to me and challenge me and again I write it down and "decide" that I'm going to act on it but my life still goes unchanged (for the most part). This can be a continuous cycle but I'm changing that by God's grace. I no longer want to be a passive believer in Christ, one who hears God's Word and is convicted or challenged but does nothing. I want to be an active follower of Christ. I want to be in God's Word daily, studying it, memorizing it, and applying it to my life. I want my son to see Jesus working in my heart and in my  life. I want Titus to want to follow Jesus and to see me as an example of how to do that. I'm not perfect and I will screw up...a lot...but I know that with Christ I can do anything that God calls me to do and I hope and pray that Titus will learn that by watching me.

That first passage is especially challenging to me because it points out how my relationship with God should impact everything in my life. I think I set aside time for God (which is very important), but I think I can leave Him there when I'm done. I don't always invite Him to join me for my day. I think I am living life, going through my day on my own. That is so not true!! Jesus is with me wherever I go. He's next to me as I do laundry, wash dishes, read my Bible, cuddle with my baby whether I ask Him to be there or not. I can/should/need to spend my entire day with God, not just whatever time I specifically set aside.

This passage also challenges me because it charges me to teach my child(ren) about the love of God and how to live for Him. My son is a little young to understand any of that right now, but it's not too early to start. I can pray for Titus and with him. I can tell him about how God loves him and how He sent Jesus to die for his sins. I can read him Bible stories and sing songs with him. There is so much that can be done now that build a foundation for later when Titus will begin to understand God's love for him. I can't wait for the day that Titus receives Jesus as his Savior and accepts God's love! I can't just passively sit by and wait for that day. I need to be actively teaching and sharing Jesus with Titus. It all comes back to choosing to be active in my faith rather than passive. This will be a struggle, but it's all part of my journey with Christ!

He's such a cute little monkey! I love the peeling banana on his head!

Titus loves helping Daddy work!

And this is the look I get when I distract him by taking pictures....

In times of transition...

This morning at church we had a missionary visit. Mark Hedinger and family have an amazing, blessed ministry of training others to share the gospel. He gave a powerful sermon on what to do in times of transition in the church, but the ideas can be applied to daily life as well. There were many awesome points in Mr. Hedinger's message but two really stuck out to me.

The first was in times of transition to keep to the basics. The concept is so simple, yet it is usually the last thing I do. In this season of my life there are a lot of changes as I learn to be a better wife and mom! It's so exciting to see how God is working in my life, yet on a daily basis I struggle to remember the basics- reading/meditation on Scripture, prayer, and fellowship. I get caught up in my to-do list of housework and projects and usually get discouraged every night when most of it goes untouched. Transitioning from one season in life to another can be a trying and stressful experience, but remembering to spend time in the Word and in prayer remind me to rely on God's grace.

The second point was to obey in times of transition. Obviously I should obey at all times, but I needed the reminder to obey in the midst of change. God calls me to be a helper and a blessing to my husband and to love and care for my son. Freaking out about a to-do list accomplishes neither of those. I need to focus on serving Christ first and my family second, however that plays out. One day that might mean a lot of housework and a lot of laundry. The next day that might be sitting around spending time together doing nothing. I need to make obeying Christ more of a priority. It can be difficult to do, but it also makes life simpler.

These two points are closely related. I can't obey God's call on my life if I don't spend time with Him to know what that is. God wants me to spend time with Him daily, to commit Scripture to memory, to talk with Him through out my day. Ignoring "the basics" is disobeying God and His direction for my life.

So, please pray for me. I struggle with creating a routine that will bless my family but also allow time for me to spend time with my Savior and to get some of my to-do list out of the way. I want to be flexible and be a blessing, but I know that time with Jesus is essential for that to be true in my life.

The Birth of Titus Walker

This is a novel, not gonna lie.



July 2, 2010
Contractions started at about 9pm. The first three contractions were ten minutes apart. After that I had a *delightful* contraction every five minutes. I called my midwife at 11pm. She said to keep going and to call back when my contractions were consistently 4 minutes apart and 60 seconds. I spent the evening out at a bonfire (while pacing) then watching Bill Engvall while sitting on my balance ball. (I was also getting a back massage from my MIL.)

July 3,2010
I was able to call my midwife back at 2am. Contractions were 4 minutes apart and usually 60 seconds apart, with the occasional contraction that lasted *only* 45 seconds. I live an hour away from the hospital so my midwife said to come on in and we would see where I was at. We left the house around 2:30am after we packed the last minute things and I called my mom to tell her it was time to go. Once we left my contractions went from 4 minutes to 2-3 minutes apart. It was such a fun ride! We arrived at the hospital event free at 3:30am.
Check in went very quickly as my amazing midwives had given me the necessary paperwork ahead of time and I had registered via the mail and filled out as much of the first bunch of paperwork as possible. I went into the exam room, got hooked up to the monitors and continued to contract every 2 minutes. My midwife came in, checked me and told me I was 2-3 cm. I had to stay on the monitors until about 4:30am because we were waiting for Titus to show some reaction to the contractions. Usually a baby's heart rate will increase and stay up for the duration of the contraction. However, Titus was a super chill baby and could care less. We finally saw some reaction so I could get off of the monitors.
Since I wasn't 4 cm I wasn't going to be admitted, but neither was I going to go all the way back home. My midwife suggested that I walk around the halls for an hour then we could see where I was at. That hour was I think the worst hour of labor, well maybe not the worst but very, very, very close. As soon as I started walking around my contractions got much, much stronger and migrated to my back. Bryan had gotten a Mountain Dew and used that bottle to rub my back. I also used the railing in the hallways. I was determined going in to labor that I wanted to go all natural- no drugs for me! My contractions were getting so strong and uncomfortable that I wasn't sure that I was going to be able to make drug free the way I wanted. That was a very long hour but finally 5:30am came!
I headed back to the exam room where I was given the wonderful amazing news that I was now 7 cm. I decided that since I dilated somewhat quickly that I would go the rest of my labor and delivery drug free. I was given a room and my mom, sister, and mom and sister-in-law joined Bryan and I. I had the best nurse (Colby) ever! She was able to put in my saline lock quickly with minimum pain. Colby noticed that since my labor was all in my back that my baby was probably facing the wrong direction (facing the ceiling instead of the floor). She brought out cold and heat packs- cold for my back and warm for the front. Apparently the baby should move towards the warmer area. Not. So. Much.
My body started pushing at 7am. I didn't try to push since I wasn't sure I was at 10 cm and I didn't want to waste energy, but my body had other ideas. I was checked at 7:30am and I was fully dilated and fully effaced. My body kept pushing and it increased in length and strength with each contraction. My midwife suggested breaking my water at 8am so all the pushing I was doing would actually start to push Titus down the birth canal. I originally was against any sort of meddling with my labor but at that point I wanted to see progress and honestly, wanted to be done pushing- it really wasn't fun. With my water broken my pushing slowly, and I really mean slowly, started moving Titus down.
**Side note- I didn't realize for the LONGEST time, that comments like "Oh that push was really good!" "You're doing great!" etc DO NOT mean "He is almost here!"**
Titus was still in the wrong position so I pushed in any position you could think of to try and get him to turn around. He never budged. I was getting tired and frustrated. Then my nurse went and found a mirror as I had requested one so I could see Titus as he was born. I started thinking he was almost here and that I would be done soon! They showed me as much of his head as they could see- it wasn't a lot but it was beautiful! I had new found energy! I started pushing harder and longer hoping to see more and more of his head, but it never happened. Around 11-11:30am my midwife suggested trying a vacuum to help Titus as he was stuck and pushing wasn't doing anything other than ram his head repeatedly into my tail bone. I was really really against that option but I didn't see any other choice at that moment.
Two doctors came in and examined me through a few contractions. The second doctor caused me more pain than my entire labor up until that point- I think he was manually trying to turn Titus, but he never said what he was doing so I had no clue. After he did whatever he did my heart rate and Ti's heart rate both dropped. I was put on oxygen, rolled onto my side, and put on IV fluids. I looked over at Bry and I'm sure broke his heart when I asked him if I could have a C-section. I knew this wasn't happening for me and I was so tired and discouraged. My midwife came back from consulting with the doctor and they both decided a C-section would probably be best if I wanted one. I was so relieved!!! That decision was made at 12pm. I laid in bed contracting/pushing knowing that it was doing nothing as nurses prepped me for surgery. I went into the OR at about 1pm. The spinal made me super nervous but it really wasn't that bad. I was too busy focusing on not moving during my contractions. I was in the middle of a contraction when the spinal took effect so the pain was suddenly gone- coolest thing ever! After that point it was all surgery stuff that they didn't really tell me about. I found out later that Titus had to be pushed back up into my uterus and he was all sorts of wrapped up in the umbilical cord. Hearing his cry for the first time was the best sound in the world!!! Bryan brought him over to me probably about 10 minutes after he was born- longest ten minutes of. my. life!

My delivery definitely didn't go as I had planned or as I had hoped but I don't think I would change anything, knowing what I know now. Titus was born safely and healthy and that's all I cared about. I'm so grateful for God's sovereignty and how He gave me the grace and strength I needed to get through that experience and to heal quickly with no complications. I'm also grateful for the best Mom and MIL that anyone could ask for! They were wonderful and a blessing to have there! Bryan- there aren't enough words to express my gratitude. He was an amazing support. I love him- there isn't a better way to put it!

Titus will be 4 months on Saturday...time has flown by.

Here we go...

I have thought about starting a blog for awhile now, but I have always pushed the thought aside. I always think I don't have anything interesting to say and my life is rather boring, at least to write about.  *However*, I have decided it's worth a shot...I hope.

The hat is courtesy of Titus' great-grandma. It's the cutest thing I've ever seen!















Oh yes, my 3 month old is watching football...










Here we go...